Category Archives: Gay Aging

The Death Sentence That Defined My Life: New York Times

In his Op Ed for the New York Times, “The Death Sentence That Defined My Life,” Mark Trautwein shows us how not dying of AIDS “on schedule” has helped him learn “not to live life on one either.” His story offers insight into the financial, social, and medical challenges of living longer than expected.

My letter to the Editor, published yesterday by the Times discusses the delicate, and sometimes paradoxical, balance between finding your own schedule and getting back on track with life that accompanies aging with HIV.

You can follow the links to read both.

Illness More Prevalent Among Older Gay Adults: New York Times

In yesterday’s New York Times, columnist Roni Caryn Rabin reported on the results of the California Health Interview Survey. The study, conducted by the by the Center for Health Policy Research at the University of California, Los Angeles, presented alarming statistics about the health of the aging LGBT community in California.

Among the statistics reported on gay men’s health and aging were the following: “Older gay and bisexual men — ages 50 to 70 — reported higher rates of high blood pressure, diabetes and physical disability than similar heterosexual men. Older gay and bisexual men also were 45 percent more likely to report psychological distress and 50 percent more likely to rate their health as fair or poor. In addition, one in five gay men in California was living with H.I.V. infection, the researchers found. Yet half of older gay and bisexual men lived alone, compared with 13.4 percent of older heterosexual men.”

Reading this article, I was once again reminded of my early career as a social worker in the field of LGBT aging. In the 1990s I was one of a team of clinicians who presented similar statistics to service providers in order to change public policy and advocate for LGBT sensitivity in programs for the elderly. We were invited to senior centers and other agencies to teach providers how to adequately care for their LGBT clients, and much of our work involved explaining how the stigma of homosexuality impacted that generation of seniors and how agencies need to assess their programs to root out ways they perpetuate that stigma.

We shared our clients’ histories of discrimination – how they had been rejected by families, fired from jobs, dishonorably discharged from the military, harassed, evicted from apartments, beaten, arrested, and institutionalized just for being gay. We talked about the effect this stigma could have had on their self-esteem. How many had to hide their sexuality and create dual lives.

We demonstrated how stigma can lead to shame and low self-esteem, and how many people react to being labeled “deviant” by hurting themselves through neglect and self-destructive behavior.

And, we stated that while things had changed during their lifetime, discrimination was still a reality in the lives of LGBT seniors. Their sexuality was not represented, and often shunned, at the very agencies in which we were invited to speak. The conclusion – “Given their histories of stigma, it is understandable that many of our clients are distrustful of health care providers. It is the service providers’ responsibility to earn the trust of LGBT seniors.”

Our model of service provision came from the clients we served. I had heard many stories of resilience from LGBT seniors, and these people helped me figure out how sensitivity and empowerment can be used to help others who had experienced lifetimes of homophobic oppression.

Reading the New York Times article I was saddened, but not surprised. I had hoped that things had gotten better in the last two decades. That this generation of LGBT elders had not experienced the same health-damaging effects of stigma. And, that service providers had learned to eliminate the barriers that prevent people  in the LGBT community from getting the care that they need. But, these statistics show that these problems persist.

While researching Aging with HIV: A Gay Man’s Guide, I interviewed men who shared stories of discrimination. They told how stigma affected their self-esteem and self care. They also demonstrated resilience in the face of homophobic discrimination, how they had built on their strengths, sought out support from the community, and developed strategies to empower themselves and others.

There are many challenges of aging, but for gay men living with HIV they are compounded by the realities of homophobia and AIDS stigma. I hope the release of these new findings encourage a conversation to find new ways to fight stigma and improve the health and well-being of the aging LGBT community.

Follow the link to read the NY Times article.

New Group for Gay Men in Midlife

I am pleased to tell you about a group that I will be running with a colleague in the Village.

The focus of the group is gay men and midlife. For the generation of gay men now facing mid-life the AIDS epidemic shaped young adulthood. Gay identity was defined by the emergence of AIDS and young gay men were faced with the tasks of caring for loved ones, grieving, creating community and learning how to care for oneself in the face of homophobia and discrimination.

For this generation of gay men, the fact of being in mid-life is to have survived. It may helpful to reassess their coping strategies in order to meaningfully respond to changes in careers, relationships, bodies and sex lives that accompany aging. This group will allow its members to reflect, reassess and address questions such as:
What does it mean to be a middle-aged gay man now?
What wisdom have we achieved and what coping strategies have we developed in order to arrive at this place?
How has my earlier experience with AIDS and HIV affected my view of myself and aging?
What new strategies and skills do we need?

This 12 week group should prove to be a rich and rewarding opportunity to connect, receive support, learn from shared experiences, draw on past lessons and achieve new understanding.

If you are interested, or know of someone for whom such a group would be helpful, you can contact me at this link, or by using the “Dr. James” tab, above:


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